A little more patience...

A little more patience, a little more GRACE...a few breaths to restore calm...and a moment to remember that I am covered by GRACE and so is my growing young son.

 Being a parent is full of joy! but it also has it's moments of pure and utter uncertainty, sometimes frustration. We are at that "moment" when E is totally aware of who he is, where he is going, but not quite how he is going to get there. We have seen our fair share of "expressive frustration" coming out of our tiny human lately. But, what I can't seem to remember in the moment is that THIS moment is teaching us both to love more deeply, to show more patience, and to lean into the One whom we were made for. I'm challenging myself this week to pray through our moments of weakness (tantrums). To be  okay when Ezra doesn't want my comfort or on the other end of the spectrum wants NOTHING but my comfort. Pray for us as we walk through this next week together. I'm growing as a mom and this young man is growing up. He is so intentional about exploring the world around him and his heart is so BIG. He is loving the SPRING weather, the flowers, the walks outside, the fun weekends when Dad is home and the fun play dates with friends. He continues to bless us, challenge us and reveal to us our Father's love. AMEN!

Ezzie, mommy and baby-on-the-way-bump

My abundant blessing - family

Seasons

You know when something good happens to someone and you comment on it and they respond, "I'm blessed." For example, someone buys a new car, their first home, goes on vacation, has a new baby, shares a smiling family photo... And we say "man they are so blessed..." 

I want to challenge us to think about how we "label" our blessings. Let's not equate our God with a genie in a lamp, one that dishes out wishes for good behavior. Let's go deeper and clarify who our God is. 

Matthew 5:3-10

3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 Blessed are those who mourn,
    for they will be comforted.
5 Blessed are the meek,
    for they will inherit the earth.
6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
    for they will be filled.
7 Blessed are the merciful,
    for they will be shown mercy.
8 Blessed are the pure in heart,
    for they will see God.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers,
    for they will be called children of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

I want to get to a place where I acknowledge Gods blessing in my struggles. In my hurt. I want to see the bigger picture, more than myself and my little world. I want to see the family friend who decided to begin hospice care as blessed for he WILL inherit the kingdom of God. This man has lived in the joy of The Lord and has suffered humbly. Derek's grandmother who recently passed was blessed by a family that surrounded her as she left this flesh to be eternally in the presence of God. She lived a life that helped bring her six children to The Lord. I want to hug my sweet friend who lost her mom and cry thanks of blessing that she had such an incredible mother grace this earth. I want to declare the child I carried for such a short time a beautiful blessing to our family. I want this season of uncertainty and upheaval to be described as a blessing, one that drew us closer to The Lord and closer together. A good song comes to mind:

What if your blessings come through raindrops

What if your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you're near

What if my greatest disappointments or the achings of this life

Are meant to show a need this world can't satisfy

And what if trials of this life

...are your mercies in disguise...  

40 Days of Lent: Patient in Affliction, Joyful in Hope

³ Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance,⁴ and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, ⁵ and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.(Romans 5:3-5)

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. (Romans 12:12)

How many of us really understand what the Lord means when he COMMANDS us to rejoice in our sufferings??? I'm not sure I have it just right yet, and may never. But, I'm learning. And the curve is steep. To Rejoice in my sufferings means to believe in full assurance that I'm not living for my own happiness, my own comfort, my own progress, but that I'm living with full assurance of HOPE!!! I have HOPE because I believe in God's sovereignty. I believe in his faithfulness, in His justice, in His power, in His Spirit, in His presence, in His saving Grace, His Son! 

Romans is a book I haven't sat down and dwelled in a while, many years. But, it is one that stirs my soul unlike any other. Romans always brings new life to me in a way that nothing else ever does. I find my struggle in faith, my struggle with sin, my struggle with being of the world all wrapped up in this book of few chapters. 

Let me just say that I haven't much cared for repentance lately. I haven't cared to get down on my knees and thank a God who died for me to be free of the slavery of sin. I've hit rock bottom and found myself in despair. And I've surrendered control, but not to a God who is IN control. I've just given up. I'm praying this season of Lent will renew in me a contrite heart. 

 PSALM 51: 1-17

Have mercy on me, O God,

    according to your unfailing love;

according to your great compassion

blot out my transgressions.

Wash away all my iniquity

and cleanse me from my sin.

³ For I know my transgressions,
    and my sin is always before me.
⁴ Against you, you only, have I sinned
    and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
    and justified when you judge.
⁵ Surely I was sinful at birth,
    sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
⁶ Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
    you taught me wisdom in that secret place.

⁷ Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
    wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
⁸ Let me hear joy and gladness;
    let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
⁹ Hide your face from my sins
    and blot out all my iniquity.

¹⁰ Create in me a pure heart, O God,
    and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
¹¹ Do not cast me from your presence
    or take your Holy Spirit from me.
¹² Restore to me the joy of your salvation
    and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

¹³ Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
    so that sinners will turn back to you.
¹⁴ Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
    you who are God my Savior,
    and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
¹⁵ Open my lips, Lord,
    and my mouth will declare your praise.
¹⁶ You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
    you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
¹⁷ My sacrifice, O God, is^[b] a broken spirit;
    a broken and contrite heart
    you, God, will not despise.

I Hope you didn't skip over the Psalm. Go back and read it again. Isn't is absolutely soul stirring? My Hope rests in this Psalm. "Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin...wash me and I will be whiter than snow...Let me hear joy and gladness...create in me a pure heart...renew a steadfast spirit within me...restore the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me...then I will teach your ways...open my lips and my mouth will declare your praise...my sacrifice is a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart; you, God, will not despise. 

I don't have all of the answers. I'm definitely a work in progress. I mess up A LOT! But, my faith is healing. It is being restored. Our miscarriage didn't cause the lack of faith. Drifting away from God seeking my own control is what caused it. 

 Today I want to REJOICE in HOPE! I have every reason to hope and zero reasons to despair. The last thing I want to do is come off preachy. I really despise the preachy Christianeese that is rapidly overtaking blogs and social media. Right now I'm sitting next to a tangible vision of Hope. My son is eating applesauce (by himself I might add) while I actually get to think about something other than a diaper change, a bath (if we can fit it in), a walk outside (is it raining again today?), setting up car insurance, working (oh yeah, I have a job) and cooking (my least favorite choir of the day). I pray that whoever reads this has renewed HOPE. The Scripture is HIS; the interpretation is mine. Forgive me if I'm wrong. 

Ash Wednesday: Preparing a wounded heart for Lent

Hi Family and Friends,

I know it has been a while...a very long while...since I've last blogged. Our little family has gone through a season of intense change, seemingly not a lot of good change. The short version goes something like this: we moved without employment to Derek's home state. We moved in with my inlaws, which was a huge blessing, but still not the easiest thing for any of us. Derek was offered a job at the company he wanted to work for (big plus). We moved into a home in a nice neighborhood believing we were starting our new, permanent life together, when shortly after moving in we found the home to be unsafe for our little man and our baby-on-the-way. Lead and other chemical compounds throughout the house caused us great concern. We broke our lease and began a search for another home. The search was so desparing. We couldn't find anything. Eventually, Derek's brother moved out of Derek's grandma's house paving the way for us to move in. The day we moved was the day we began the process of miscarrying our little babe. A week of pure agony...bed rest...doctor's calls...and finally the ultrasound that confirmed we had lost our baby in the womb. Complete and total heartbreak. We then had an onslaught of stupid things people say to parents who "lost a child that wasn't meant to be..." whatever the heck that means. Comments such as, "something was wrong and God knew you couldn't handle it," or "it was probably something genetic and God spared you from the heartache..." We know heartache. We know it daily. I know it hourly. The worst, "Time will heal you and you won't think about your loss as much..." Sadly, at this point, this just isn't true. I can actually say the word "miscarriage" now. I would say being able to say the word is part of my healing journey. But losing a baby is a wound that never fully heals. Scars last a lifetime. If you know someone who has lost a baby, please do not say things to them such as, "Well, at least you have your son and he's healthy," or "I'm sure you will have another one," and "your baby opened it's eyes and saw Jesus first." First, I'm thankful that I have my precious baby boy. He is my joy and delight. He is a miracle. But, even he can not replace the loss of our baby. Secondly, we pray for more children! When Elizabeth, in her old age, was told that SHE would have a baby...I can now relate! How joyous the news! Last, my soap box for the time being is: I have no idea what God, in HIS sovereignty, wills for babies lost in the womb. Please don't fill mothers heads with "comforting words" that scripture does not back up. It can pose as a stumbling block to their faith.... We celebrated Christmas...Ezra's second Christmas. January brought heartache again. Derek's grandmother suddenly passed, my best friend lost her precious mother, and my grandmother also passed. Despair began to creep at our door...or actually...what would not be "our door" much longer. With Derek's grandmother passing, it was decided to put her home on the market. We were given three months. This was really the bottom of the valley for us...rock bottom...can't get any worse...but it can...and it does...and in those times we have a choice to make...we can either dwell and mourn our earthly losses or we lean into the ONE we were made for...It has been a daily struggle and a daily choice to lean into our control or HIS control. My prayer during this season of Lent is that our family will grow in leaning into the comforting arms of Jesus. That we will use this season of struggle to be JOYFUL IN AFFLICTION! We are going to royally screw this up, but we are going to try. My goal is to take a break from Facebook and to journey through Lent with a heart of Thankfulness that I can share here.

Today, I am thankful for this journey. I am thankful that my husband has carried the weight of our struggle so honestly and with such integrity. When his wife turned into a crying zombie for weeks after losing a baby, he powered on. He sought God. He loved our son and he loved me. I'm thankful for the precious man that I call "bugs" and "son" and who is currently running around the house, laughing and playing. I'm thankful for the babe that I was blessed to carry, even for a short time. We call you baby #2, and I call you "E." I'm thankful that no matter how quiet God's still voice, he is STILL HEARD. Jesus sat for 40 days in the desert, praying and preparing himself to be the atonement for my sin. I want to spend 40 days seeking him and sharing him with others.

Easter is Resurrection Day. On this day we remember the awesomeness of new life. We stand in awe of God's limitless power and his life-giving intervention in humanity's redemption. As we are freed from our mourning at the death of Jesus, we give thanks for his life and ascension into heaven. Because he was given life anew, we are given it also.

And this Easter, Derek and I truly experienced God's life-giving intervention in our lives. Not only did we celebrate the risen Christ and the gift of our salvation, but the gift of a baby. Kneeling at the alter on Easter morning, while Derek was playing the piano, Anlee had perfect peace in submitting to God's will and a niggling intuition that we should take a pregnancy test. On the way home we bought a test. After a positive response, we went back to the store and bought three more. ALL POSITIVE!

The emotions and lack of emotion that you go through when you realize the gift you are given is not articulated well. We both hope to remember the day as a day when we were given the blessing of being parents, an active part of God's creation. Celebrating Easter, joining our Midland friends for dinner, crying on the couch and standing speechless at all of this awesomeness...

Anlee will never forget...seeing the immediate plus sign and thinking, "nooooooo, really???" I remember coming out with a huge smile on my face and telling Derek we needed to go and get another test. He hugged me and said, "okay." Later, I remember crying so hard thinking, "I don't know how to be pregnant!!" Derek just held me close, slightly laughed, slightly unnerved. I couldn't sleep all night, anxious to go have someone in scrubs confirm this new thing for us! I'll remember the peace at the alter.

Derek will never forget...shock and disbelief. I will remember Anlee wanting to take more pregnancy tests. Then, calling Ashleigh to see if 4 tests were enough. Trying to hold in "news" while we were celebrating Easter with our friends.

Happy Easter Everyone!

Baby Fekkes is due to arrive this December!

Pray for health for the little one!

Lent: Maundy Thursday

Maundy Thursday, also known as Holy Thursday, Covenant Thursday, Great and Holy Thursday, Sheer Thursday and Thursday of Mysteries, is the Christian feast or holy day falling on the Thursday before Easter that commemorates the Maundy and Last Supper of Jesus Christ with the Apostles as described in the Canonical gospels. It is the fifth day of Holy Week, and is preceded by Spy Wednesday and followed by Good Friday. (Wikipedia)

Welcome to the near end of Holy Week. I'm learning so much about the Lent Season this year! I'm thankful I am able to share what I'm learning with you guys. Tonight, we have a special Thursday service at our church. I'm honestly not sure what is going on tonight, only that the tables have been set out so maybe food will be involved. I haven't been petitioned to make anything so not sure. But, we are excited to participate in the events leading up to Easter, Resurrection Day!

Tomorrow night we will remember Good Friday with another special service. Friday is normally date day for us so Derek was crafty in how he portioned out the day so we could spend time together. He asked me to lead worship with him...so, we get to spend rehearsal time together and sing together for the service. (Crafty). Sunday morning, we are gearing up for the youth Easter breakfast. Yes, I am responsible for making pancakes with the help of our youth (starting at 7:30AM) for our church. Speaking of our youth...

Derek has been appointed by our Elders to be the new Youth Director for OSLC. I'm excited to see him take on this new role and responsibility. Watching him prepare to minister to the heart's of our youth only excites me more about watching him someday be a Dad. God blows my mind in the opportunities he gives us as training ground. I'm now leading the girl's breakout session by myself! Pray for me!

Lastly, we are continuing to settle into our new lives here in the dessert. We've had a glimpse of 97 degrees thus far. Next week we are exploring new parts of our new state. We are traveling to a ranch to camp with the dogs, then to Fredricksburg, Texas, to meet our sweet friend, Amanda (Anlee's roommate in Korea). Hill  country here we come!

Happy Easter!

Lent: Speaking Out

As the days of Lent continue, I wanted to share a way that Derek has been challenged in his spiritual maturity. You guys know that Derek is a reader. His form of entertainment, study, reflection...all of it is by the act of reading. Recently, some excitement in our church over a new book caused Derek some pause. The book is the Harbinger: The Ancient Mystery that holds the Secret of America's Future, by Jonathan Cahn. For the first time in our marriage, Derek was actually annoying while reading a book. Every few paragraphs he would interrupt my reading to exclaim the absurdity of some of the books claims. I'm not going to sit here and say I've read the book and after Derek's reaction to it, I'm definitely not putting it on my list of books to read, but I will say that I'm so thankful for his faith - founded in the Word of God. Christ is his cornerstone. Not some new age theology or misinterpretation of prophecy. He let's the Word stand over him, not he stand over the Word. For this, I am so thankful.He is speaking OUT! Here is the review that Derek wrote on Amazon about the book:

This review is from: The Harbinger: The ancient mystery that holds the secret of America's future (Paperback)

While this book has some decent reflections on OT prophesy and events and God's purposes behind both, it builds it's central message on a flawed, though apparently common, understanding of America. The author makes a comparison between the nation of Israel and the USA that has no basis biblically. The author says that there have been only two nations in the history of the world that have been established with a covenant between the nation and God. He then uses this reasoning to link an OT prophesy given to Israel with current day America. While the linking of the prophesies with current events is impressive, and surely we can learn something from these prophesies that applies to us today, there are some huge errors and dangerous implications if we make such a link between Israel and America.

First of all, Israel did not "choose" God. God chose Israel. So, any attempt to say that Israel and America are similar in that they both set out as nations that "chose" God falls flat. There is no evidence that God has a similar "choosing" of America. Sure, God has purposes for America in his overarching plan of redemption for the world, but America is not a "chosen" nation, whom God works with in elevated and special ways, different from other nations.

Secondly, such a comparison between pre-Christ Israel and current day America fails to rightly understand God's means of engaging and reaching the world. God chose Israel as his people, that he might reveal himself to them and reach the whole world through them. God chose to enter human history through a specific people at a specific time. He didn't only come for the Israelites but He came through them. Today, post-Christ, God's primary means of reaching and engaging the world is not through any nation or state. It's through his church, the universal, all nation encompassing body of believers. America is not his chosen means to spread his salvation and love to the world. The church is.

Such misunderstanding seems to be quite widespread in America and leads me to believe that it has at its root an idolatry of a certain perception of America. "America is a Christian nation and until we get back to these roots there is no hope for our country." False. Hope does not come from our government, from our country being based on Christian ideals, or from having a godly president (though none of these are bad things). Hope comes from God and as the church spreads His gospel to the world. Don't put your hope in our country or government aligning to certain ideals or us getting back to being a more "christian" nation. This is idolatry. Seek the good of our country for sure, but don't make our country the greatest good. God is our greatest good and are only hope.

America is not the current day Israel, God's chosen people. America is not the hope of the world. God is. The church is his means of spreading that hope.

Lent: In the Middle

Just thought someone might identify with this cartoon.

Hi friends and family. We are still in the midst of Lent, which will culminate April 8th, Easter Sunday. This season has been so full of revelation, marriage renovation and life innovation! As we've stated in a previous post, we have gained a deeper understanding of what we want in our lives. We've also started a nightly/early AM devotional together by Derek's favorite author, D.A. Carson. We've picked up some of the good habits we practiced while in Korea and have began exercising more regularly together.

Derek recently went to a conference in Albuquerque, NM, a six hour drive with his friend Matt. They went and heard D.A. Carson speak at a Gospel Coalition conference. They had a great time and learned a lot. However, Derek called to tell me that there was a bookstore selling all of his favorite books on theology for 30% off. Derek came home with lots of new toys and even a new book "for me" (wink, wink). Doing this devotional together, whether it's 6am and we are up walking the dogs or its 10pm right before we crash for the evening, has really drawn our hearts together in Christ. It's transformational to read the word of God with your husband and to see him grow in his spiritual headship of your marriage. I'm so thankful for this and pray this same transformation over your marriages.

In other news I've been incredibly hard to pin down and answer/return phone calls. My only excuse is pure exhaustion. The culprit is many: sleep deprivation, two very energetic dogs, a church that has an event every day and the job. All of which are incredible blessings. I'm making an effort to be better in touch with anyone who wants it. So, if you are that person, let me know. I'll be there. (Just show me grace).

In other news, it has been raining in the desert. We've had three nights of good rain and thunderstorms here in Midland. Checking our car for hail damage has been a new item on our morning checklist. We should be in the triple digits by the end of next month...

Lent: Reflection

As we go deeper into the season of Lent, God has "wowed" us with his presence, his faithfulness and his deep desire to abide in us. I've already posted that Lent is a time of reflecting on the cross of Christ, the life and ministry of Christ and a time of deep repentance of sin. Let me confess that my eyes have not been solely on Christ in the past few weeks. All too often my eyes have turned inward and focused on my needs, my wants, my desires. But, I'm going to say that in all this I am thankful! God has used this time for good in our lives. I'm telling you, he brought a possible job offer into our lives for a purpose. And we think that purpose was to 1. test our faithfulness, 2. reveal his faithfulness, 3. reveal our deeper desires, what's truly in the heart, 4. grow us in wisdom and wise council, 5. have us completely dependent on him and his peace, 6. to reveal areas in our lives where we are "in control" and not HE, where we want to dictate our will and not HIS. He did all of this and more!

What an amazing journey we went on in such a short time. How freeing to know deep down what we are really longing for! Now, to grow in our faith that he is faithful and he will provide! As a member of the body of Christ, the bride, we know that we face nothing alone. What encouraging news! As a daughter and son in Christ, we know that we are being sanctified daily and dying to the flesh only to be renewed in the image of HIM!

Psalm 68:3 says, "But may the righteous be glad and rejoice before God; may they be happy and joyful!"

Lent: Practice

PRACTICE

The Season of Lent is part of a larger church calendar that includes Advent, Christmas, Epiphany, Easter, Ascension, Pentecost, and Ordinary time. These are celebrations that have been developed over a long period of time originally in the Catholic Church and have flowed into practice in other denominations (Anglican, Lutheran, Presbyterian). The practices connected to each season mostly find their roots in observing the life of Jesus as it is portrayed in the gospels. Some of the practices and celebrations may also be connected to ancient pagan celebrations that Christians re-appropriated over time. Historically, the Reformed tradition has largely discarded the celebration of a complete church calendar because it binds the conscience to follow rules and rituals from man. Nowhere is the church calendar commanded in Scripture. Calvin and others thought it permissible to recognize the chief evangelical feasts of Christmas, Easter, and Pentecost but felt that the focus should always be on the proclamation of the whole gospel for the people of God each Sunday.

"You don't need a special season to do this. But there also is a benefit in setting aside a specific time to focus on these things."

PREPARATION FOR EASTER Again, the Lenten season and its encouragement to take an extended time to focus on the death and resurrection of Christ provides us with an opportunity to honor God as we prepare for Easter Sunday. Now, consider if there might be a better and more beneficial way for you to think about the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus.

When we got the call to move to Midland, we were both elated and in shock. We felt so aware of God's faithfulness to our prayer for a church that was sincere in it's worship, unified in it's fellowship, and committed to prayer. We were blown away by the awesomeness of the church when we visited and Derek interviewed. Our first Sunday with Derek leading worship found us high on the elated train. But, as we started to settle in and develop relationships we found that the church is just as broken as any other. We love our church, but we need to remember that the church of Christ, the bride, is the universal body of believers and not the 4-walled sanctuary. We have a deep love and commitment to our church and the body that is within it, but we have to remember that the church is full of brokenness in and of itself. Having said that, I'm spending this time in Lent remembering our church in prayer, praying over its renewed faith and redemption, praying its doors to open and welcome the lost, praying for biblically based theology, sincere prayer and repentant hearts. Where does Christ come in? Christ is the redeemer of the bride. Christ died for his bride. And Christ's resurrection gives assurance of hope to each believer within the 4-walls and across the nations of a glorious inheritance in the Kingdom of God.

Lent: History and Themes

HISTORY

Lent is one of the liturgical seasons of the church calendar that precedes Easter. The name of this season originates from the Anglo-Saxon lencten meaning "spring." The origins of Lent are controversial. Traditionally it is understood as an intense season of preparation for "Catechumens" (converts under training) who were preparing to be baptized on Easter. By the Council of Nicea, A.D. 325, it officially referred to Lent as "forty days" and made it immediately precede Easter. Sundays are not counted as part of Lent, since Sundays are reserved for celebration. The Season of Lent now officially begins with Ash Wednesday because of the imposition of ashes on the foreheads of Christians. This practice is dated back at least from the late-eleventh century.

THEMES

Lent carries in its tide a number of biblical themes, stories, and structures. Again, Lent was a season that the early church used to prepare catechumens—new converts WHO wished to join the church through baptism, which was typically accomplished at Easter. The catechumens were encouraged during the 40 days to engage in regular times of repentance and confession and to seek reconciliation with those whom they had sinned, and been sinned against—the very spiritual disciplines that every Christian should engage in daily. (Matt. 5:24, 2 Cor. 5:18) Now, you don't need a special season to do this. But there also is a benefit in setting aside a specific time to focus on these things. Throughout the history of the church, many believers have benefitted from using the Lenten season to do just that.  (From Mars Hill)

Continuing on in the history of Lent and in my time of discipline. Today is Sunday and therefore a celebration, the Sabbath. But, when you are in ministry, the Sabbath rarely feels like a celebration. Derek gets paid to go to church on Sunday's! I, however, as the ministry sidekick, do not. Sunday's are my time to support and encourage Derek, to be fed spiritual milk and to try hard to find the time to clean our home. In writing this I realize that I really need to give a Sabbath day to the Lord. So, for the remainder of Lent I'm going to practice the Sabbath, a time of receiving and acknowledging God's blessing in my life and a time of rest. Derek's Sabbath is on Friday's. This is his only day of the week off and his time to study, rest and "date me." Friday's are our favorite day of the week because it's the day when we do our married devotionals. It's also our coffee shop day when we sit back with good coffee and read.

As I walk through Lent this year, I keep getting this idea that IN EVERYTHING, do it ask if Jesus himself, personally, asked you to do it. So, when I'm washing dishes, Jesus asked me to take care of them tonight instead of Derek. When I'm playing with the dogs at work, Jesus asked me to tenderly love them and rehabilitate them. When I'm planning devotionals for my youth girls, Jesus asked me to speak his Gospel over his daughters. When I'm too tired to talk to Derek, Jesus asked me to lovely respond to Derek and to cherish him as Jesus himself does. Today, my prayer over each of you is that in all things you will do it as if unto the Lord. Today, you will feel the call of Jesus to do everything as if he asked you to and you will take JOY in doing it.

Lent: Confusion

CONFUSION ABOUT LENT

There is much confusion in the American Evangelical Church regarding Lent. To be sure, the Bible doesn't require us to recognize seasons like Lent or even Advent. In Romans 14:5, Paul writes that the celebration of holy days is a matter of Christian liberty. Paul continues, "The one who observes the day, observes it in honor of the Lord" (Rom. 14:6). Therefore, any recognition of Lent must be done in a way that honors God. As Jesus made clear when he quoted Isaiah to the Pharisees, external actions void of heartengagement are not honoring to God. Well did Isaiah prophecy of you hypocrites, "This people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from me." Therefore, any special attention to the Lenten season that honors God must include heart-level repentance and real faith, not external obedience to church tradition. So the Lenten season and its encouragement to take an extended time to focus on the death and resurrection of Christ provides us with an opportunity to honor God as well as a temptation toward sin. There can be a real value in marking this season, but only if done with a heart that seeks to honor God.

In the book of Isaiah it says, All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away. 64:6. To me, this is why we need heart-level repentance. With real faith and not only external obedience to church tradition we can have joy in what the Psalms proclaim. In the Psalms we read, "Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit." Psalm 32:1-2 Read the next 3 verses of the Psalm:

When I kept silent, 

my bones wasted away 

through my groaning all day long.

For day and night

you hand was heavy upon me;

my strength was sapped

as in the heat of summer. Selah

Then I acknowledged my sin to you 

and did not cover up my iniquity.

I said, "I will confess

my transgressions to the Lord" - 

and you forgave 

the guilt of my sin. Selah

Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!" Psalm 34:8 A taste of the Lord is good, but imagine the security and peace of dwelling in him. I'm learning what "to dwell" means. The dictionary defines "dwell" as:

1.to live or stay as a permanent resident; reside.

2.to live or continue in a given condition or state: to dwell in happiness.

3.to linger over, emphasize, or ponder in thought, speech, or writing (often followed by on or upon ): to dwell on a particular point in an argument.

4.(of a moving tool or machine part) to be motionless for a certain interval during operation.

Now, what does it look like to dwell in the Lord? To be a permanent resident in his presence; to live or continue in the joy of his love, peace and understanding? King David writes in Psalm 27:4, One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple...for in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling...

So, my prayer for each of you and myself today is that we would have a heart that would seek to honor God in our worship of him. Not for ourselves, not for our salvation, but to love and adore God because he is God. I pray that as we go through the season of Lent that God would create in us a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within [us]...Restore in [us] the joy of our salvation and grant [us] a willing spirit, to sustain [us] (Psalm 51:10,12).  I pray also that he would teach us to dwell in his presence.

Lent: Ash Wednesday

Lent began Wednesday, February 22, 2012, and ends Thursday, April 5, 2012. Lent is kicked off by Ash Wednesday and will culminate on Easter Sunday. So, what is Lent and why am I writing about it? Lent is a season of repentance, when we confess our sins, spend time in prayer for ourselves and others and fast to develop spiritual discipline that we might be lacking in our lives. This is a time to ponder and wonder at the life, death and resurrection of Christ. I want to share some thoughts on Lent here as I think some of you reading this might not have a background in what Lent is. Here is a quote from our favorite church, Mars Hill, in Seattle:

The Lenten season often provides Christ’s followers with more confusion than clarity. However, there is benefit to thinking about the themes of Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection in preparation for Easter Sunday.The Lenten season starts today, Ash Wednesday. For many recognizing Lent, that day marks the first day of a 40-day fast from something.

Ash Wednesday: Explanation:

The use of ashes in the observance of Ash Wednesday, to start a season of repentance and faith, is rooted in the ancient biblical practice of severe repentance and contrition. You can read about it in Daniel 9:3 or concerning the city of Nineveh (Jonah 3:6). Ash Wednesday provides an opportunity to remember our mortality and to ask God to "teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom" (Ps. 90:12). It is also a time to remember Jesus‟ promise in light of our mortality: "I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die" (John 11:25-26). We can, as Jesus encouraged Martha to, then reflect on that promise and answer ourselves, "Do you believe this?" (John 11:26). If we do believe it, as we consider our weakness and mortality and remember our salvation and the promises it holds...

"that our heart should be overwhelmed with a love for Jesus that helps us grow in our distaste for sin."

Last night at our Ash Wednesday service, we placed the ashes on our foreheads to remember that "from ashes we came". After we took communion together and spent time in prayer. As I was sitting there, I asked God how he wanted me to grow this season. Here's what I got: "Anlee, you don't share the Gospel of my son with others. You talk about me nonchalantly, but others around you don't know me and I want you to tell them about me." So, wow! Yep. Major conviction about the lack of sharing. I've been pretty wrapped up in me, Derek, and our emerging lives in Midland that I haven't perused other people, friends or ministry outside of our church. I need some discipline and training in sharing the Gospel. And after sharing some ideas with Derek, we've decided that I'm going to use this blog to share the Gospel with those of you who read it.

"Any special attention to the Lenten season that honors God must include heart-level repentance and real faith, not external obedience to church tradition."

 I know most of you already know Christ, but there is a chance that one of you doesn't or wants to know more. So, I'm going to be writing parts of my testimony and daily devotionals here over the next 40 days excluding Sunday's. This season isn't going to be about the pictures of our life or how we are doing, but how I'm doing spiritually as I seek and learn more about my amazing God! I'm just going to ask for understanding and respect in whatever I write.

Tomorrow I will write about the history of Lent and why the evangelical church celebrates/participates in the Lenten season.