Before getting married, I was "Mrs. Marshalls." My nickname fit me well. I only bought things on sale. I have this internal price check that goes off if something isn't on clearance. The only thing this doesn't seem to apply to is food and gifts for other people. But, if it's for me, it better be cheap. Doing the annual school clothes shopping with mom growing up was a treat (for me, not for her). Each kid would get around $300 for new clothes, shoes and whatever else. My brothers would grab a shirt (not look at the price tag) and buy it. That means they would come home from the store with maybe 5 shirts and 3 pants. Not me. I could stretch $300 over weeks of shopping and 15-20 new outfits. I not only bargain shop, I raid the clearance aisle and buy clothing TOO big, take it home, tailor it to fit me and viola...another successful bargain exchange. (Maternity clothes work really well for tailoring...FYI)
This life style abrutly ended when I moved to Korea. 1. I'm too big for the clothes. Even being a size 4-6 (below the national American average), I was toooooo big to wear any clothes in Korea unless they were ajuma (grandmother) clothes. So, I lost more weight until I could wear the baggier clothes the country has to offer...
Skip ahead - got married - gained weight. Back to not fitting into any clothes. Going home in a month. Not liking any of the clothes in the closet that have been mildewing in the Korean sunshine for 2 years. What to do?...ode to the shopping spree.
I hit the jackpot! And because I have the most amazing husband in THE WHOLE WORLD, I ended my lunch break with a bag full of clothes that make me feel really good about myself. Then I decided to cry about it, thankful that my hubby understood that new clothes made me feel better about my weight. YES, they were all on sale! I can't help it. It's not worth it to me to pay full price. Why did I cry about it? Because God tells me not to worry about how I dress or to put stock in adornments. He tells me that what's inside of me is more important. And, while that being true, every single Christian marriage book tells me that what's outside is just as important. All of the books tell me to wake-up, put on make-up, always have a fit, trim body and make sure my husbands eyes are satisfied with me so he isn't tempted to look at others. To me, this is a mixed message. Even the husband himself, loving me so generously, likes the days when I wear make-up and the days when I don't. Wanting to live a life that completely abandons culture is hard to do. And as an extremist, I have a hard time finding middle ground.
So, what it comes down to is I was a bit of a cry baby because I went shopping today and I spent money on myself, (which in general is really hard to do). I spent my monthly allowance on clothes (which normally makes me feel bad...I should be giving it to those who don't have it). And as I cried, my husband comforted me, told me I was beautiful and understood what it's like to be a girl. Complicated.So...
ODE
Shopping, today, made me feel glad
Shopping, today, also made me sad
Why was I glad,
Because of bargains and sales
Why was I sad,
Because I remembered other tales
Of going without and people in need
Then I cried because of my greed.
Then my hubby reminded me
Of all that he truly loves about me.
And this left me feeling free
To Enjoy and Delight in my shopping spree
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