Working on thankfulness

Some days I question going back to work. I think about the benefits of going back into the world of business. I think about how working would allow for me to have something of my own, somewhere to channel my education, my nature to work hard, ambition that has gone slightly stale, social networking with coworkers, possibly being in the car by myself, dressing for work in real clothes not covered with breakfast, lunch, snack, snot and dinner. I think about how going back to work would allow for the new car that I think about, new clothes on the spur of the moment, extravagant vacations or just an overnighter away from the norm, pedicures, expansive food budget, dates nights, the ability to schedule a babysitter and pay them well!! And then I look at my little man who just fell down and only wanted mamma to snuggle until his booboo stopped hurting. I think about how I get the privilege of napping with this little guy everyday, of watching him smile, learn new words, drive me crazy, pee and poop a million times a day and give me endless kisses and hugs. I could go to work and possibly buy our first home, shorten my husbands work commute or I can work on being content, teach Ezra the abcs, cuddle our baby on the way and learn to live on less. I can dream and hope for a time to take our kids to Disneyland, get that car someday, have freedom to buy whatever I want whenever I want.... Or I can enjoy each day with these Fekkes kids, teach them the value of being thankful and snuggle until they are snuggled out.  Because the truth is I want to be here each day with them. I want to change the endless diapers, scrub endless stains, count to 10 during each tantrum, and take every kiss and hug.